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I've decided to move to a new fresh blog! :]
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A new start with 2010!
Aah okay I managed to ignore this again.
I'll seriously make an effort to update this daily though.
Yes...DAILY.
I can't be bothered to recount my awesome Christmas break day-by-day so I'll briefly sum it up:
- Every day was spent doing basically nothing- best break ever.
- Christmas was nice, quiet and cosy.
- I went skiing for the very first time...Yes, for the past 18½ years my mother has successfully managed to keep me away from snow-covered hills that exceed an altitude of 200 metres. So I expressed my gratitude by going to a skii-hill that had an altitude of 5700 metres. [I came back with an enormous bruise on my thigh, but on the whole it was an amazing experience- thank you Swedish friends.] The bruise that stayed the longest was the hit that severely damaged my ego. Little younglings of barely 7 years of age were zooming past me while I was desperately trying not to lose control of my own skiis. At least I avoided skiing into a tree. [Just barely].
- I had a great time at my friend's New Year's party! Definitely no better way to welcome the new year than being not-completely-sober and feeling ecstatic.
So that mainly sums up my beginning of the year!
Two weeks ago, I operated a car for the very first time.
Now, two weeks later- I've been put in traffic, shoved into several scary round-abouts, released the clutch a fair too many times, and am still alive. Perhaps I'll actually manage to get a liscense?
I'll seriously make an effort to update this daily though.
Yes...DAILY.
I can't be bothered to recount my awesome Christmas break day-by-day so I'll briefly sum it up:
- Every day was spent doing basically nothing- best break ever.
- Christmas was nice, quiet and cosy.
- I went skiing for the very first time...Yes, for the past 18½ years my mother has successfully managed to keep me away from snow-covered hills that exceed an altitude of 200 metres. So I expressed my gratitude by going to a skii-hill that had an altitude of 5700 metres. [I came back with an enormous bruise on my thigh, but on the whole it was an amazing experience- thank you Swedish friends.] The bruise that stayed the longest was the hit that severely damaged my ego. Little younglings of barely 7 years of age were zooming past me while I was desperately trying not to lose control of my own skiis. At least I avoided skiing into a tree. [Just barely].
- I had a great time at my friend's New Year's party! Definitely no better way to welcome the new year than being not-completely-sober and feeling ecstatic.
So that mainly sums up my beginning of the year!
Two weeks ago, I operated a car for the very first time.
Now, two weeks later- I've been put in traffic, shoved into several scary round-abouts, released the clutch a fair too many times, and am still alive. Perhaps I'll actually manage to get a liscense?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A heart-to-heart
Ayaah, I haven't ventured out here in ages.
I apologize for that, though I am sure no one stays around to read my pointless ranting anyhow.
I am now in my final year of High School, which is a very bittersweet time for me now. On one hand I am definitely excited about moving on in life, while on the other I am going to miss the friends I have now- as I am pretty sure that I will not see again- for a good length of time. I know I have mentioned this before but time really does change a person, be it time or the time taken for a person to mature and shape but nevertheless time is most definitely the biggest factor.
Today I bumped into an old classmate from middle-school, he was in fact someone I used to dislike quite a bit, or to be a bit more civil, "couldn't get along with."
I know that it's naive or even a bit childish of me to believe I'd still harvest those kind of ill feelings toward some people from my past, but you know what they say, "old habits die hard"... or do they? As I saw him my first reaction was to look away and hope he did not notice me, however as he passed by he automatically came up to me again and greeted me briefly with a smile, and then left for his bus.
His behaviour left me with a million questions in my head. Not only had this person tormented my entire three years of middleschool, now he had the gaul to wave his past childish behaviour away and all the history we've established in that single 10 seconds of greeting? I didn't dwell on it too long, but I did think of our brief meeting as a little unexpected, the way there was no longer any childish hatred, impatience or even the least bit annoyance with each other. It's funny how people change. It's especially funny how you can have this one single image of a person completely wiped away in the span of a few seconds, after years of having thought you knew them.
Thinking back on what I did today, I realise that both events that occupied my late morning, involved my not-so-distant past and my not-too-far-away future. This sounds very philosophical but I assure you it is not, as I am nowhere near philosophical grounds- at least I would not write about it or with the manner, out of own free will- unless it was unintentional...which this probably is. In which case I apologize for being overly-philosophical...I have a tendency to get lost in my words and thoughts.
Today, I went to Lund University to attend their Open House event. A great opportunity for lost souls such as myself, to ever so slightly- clear up the mist of their futures. I have narrowed down my options to strictly just engineering, then of course (....as life is what it is)...they have 14 different courses of Engineering at Lund University (Maybe even more, just to mess with my head.) On top of that, when you have finally chosen a specified engineering field you would like to study, you will soon find out that you have more specific courses to choose between, within the course you've already had to choose. Am I making sense? (regardless if the response was yes or no)... Good...! So after 3 hours of asking different people the exact same questions, getting slightly different responses each time, I now know that I am NOT going to be doing architecture. At least for now. I constantly change my mind. I am sure many are aware of that as it is. Right?
I tend to get too carried away by things, and my attention span can be rather short-lived so I know that what I see to be a wise decision now, will be a very bad decision in..a few minutes..or hours...Or seconds. What I certainly know now is that I want nothing else than to shoot straight to University after I graduate, (of course the "shooting straight into Uni after graduation" isn't possible since I have a nice Summerbreak to enjoy in between---An incredibly FORTUNATE thing).
But of course I can't afford to start thinking about that future. I firstly have to make my way through my last year of High School- be that as annoying as it may, it won't ever come back to me, yadda yadda- I know.
Why oh Why is the forbidden the most tempting path to take?
I apologize for that, though I am sure no one stays around to read my pointless ranting anyhow.
I am now in my final year of High School, which is a very bittersweet time for me now. On one hand I am definitely excited about moving on in life, while on the other I am going to miss the friends I have now- as I am pretty sure that I will not see again- for a good length of time. I know I have mentioned this before but time really does change a person, be it time or the time taken for a person to mature and shape but nevertheless time is most definitely the biggest factor.
Today I bumped into an old classmate from middle-school, he was in fact someone I used to dislike quite a bit, or to be a bit more civil, "couldn't get along with." I know that it's naive or even a bit childish of me to believe I'd still harvest those kind of ill feelings toward some people from my past, but you know what they say, "old habits die hard"... or do they? As I saw him my first reaction was to look away and hope he did not notice me, however as he passed by he automatically came up to me again and greeted me briefly with a smile, and then left for his bus.
His behaviour left me with a million questions in my head. Not only had this person tormented my entire three years of middleschool, now he had the gaul to wave his past childish behaviour away and all the history we've established in that single 10 seconds of greeting? I didn't dwell on it too long, but I did think of our brief meeting as a little unexpected, the way there was no longer any childish hatred, impatience or even the least bit annoyance with each other. It's funny how people change. It's especially funny how you can have this one single image of a person completely wiped away in the span of a few seconds, after years of having thought you knew them.
Thinking back on what I did today, I realise that both events that occupied my late morning, involved my not-so-distant past and my not-too-far-away future. This sounds very philosophical but I assure you it is not, as I am nowhere near philosophical grounds- at least I would not write about it or with the manner, out of own free will- unless it was unintentional...which this probably is. In which case I apologize for being overly-philosophical...I have a tendency to get lost in my words and thoughts.
Today, I went to Lund University to attend their Open House event. A great opportunity for lost souls such as myself, to ever so slightly- clear up the mist of their futures. I have narrowed down my options to strictly just engineering, then of course (....as life is what it is)...they have 14 different courses of Engineering at Lund University (Maybe even more, just to mess with my head.) On top of that, when you have finally chosen a specified engineering field you would like to study, you will soon find out that you have more specific courses to choose between, within the course you've already had to choose. Am I making sense? (regardless if the response was yes or no)... Good...! So after 3 hours of asking different people the exact same questions, getting slightly different responses each time, I now know that I am NOT going to be doing architecture. At least for now. I constantly change my mind. I am sure many are aware of that as it is. Right?
I tend to get too carried away by things, and my attention span can be rather short-lived so I know that what I see to be a wise decision now, will be a very bad decision in..a few minutes..or hours...Or seconds. What I certainly know now is that I want nothing else than to shoot straight to University after I graduate, (of course the "shooting straight into Uni after graduation" isn't possible since I have a nice Summerbreak to enjoy in between---An incredibly FORTUNATE thing).But of course I can't afford to start thinking about that future. I firstly have to make my way through my last year of High School- be that as annoying as it may, it won't ever come back to me, yadda yadda- I know.
Why oh Why is the forbidden the most tempting path to take?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Happy Birthday Pei!
Oops, I did it again (really did not intend to quote Britney Spears), I kind of neglected my blog D: Ah well, here I am!
What shall we talk about today? The interesting ways the human brain has on sub-conciously neglecting situations or tasks you really don't want to do? (Hah I justify that as procrastination). Rambling on is such a perfect excuse to not getting to the point, which is mostly what I love to do. But now that the point has been reached I guess there is no other way to say this than:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEEEEEEI <3
One of my oldest and dearest friends is turning .......21 today! I hope she has a great time in India on this very special day :D
Me myself~ I will be attending my 2-hour golf training, maybe even go out on the course for the first time this season! Yaay. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately the weather here is really depressing, gray and murky. The kind of weather that makes you want to crawl into a hole and hibernate all throughout the season. Talking about depressing, gray and murky I've recently started reading (don't brick me!!) Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer. Of course- the entire series has already been spoiled for me by my friends but I'll give it a shot either way. Fate is to blame as Gustave Flaubert expressed in his book, Madame Bovary (don't read it, it's one of the slowest books you'll ever read, but it does give you a good insight on life...but still. The "Slow" part overpowers the insight-part.) I saw the Twilight book dangling on a shelf and decided it was Now or Never, I even leaped for the shelf (almost tripping over my own foot) and grabbed the book! When I went to the reception to check it out of the school library the librarian laughed and said I literally placed that book there, 2 minutes ago!!
So there you go, Fate is completely to be blamed.
-->So far I've read 3/4 in 2 days. Not too shabby but I started reading it with high expectations. If anyone wants to read a decent love story (a realistic one at that), they should read a little love song, by Michelle Magorian. While I'm still rambling about nothing in particular, I went to a golf-convention yesterday with my father(Haha I'm beginning to wonder if Sci-Fi convention would've actually sounded a tad cooler than "golf-convention"). It was quite fun, dad burned around 800 kr on ...Well let's not mention that. And I got to spend the afternoon with a happy dadddy yaay! When we left the convention we passed a skating ramp, for the first time this year it really felt like Spring! Kids were playing around, the sun was shining, flies were ...humming? And I even saw a ladybird!! [which I almost stepped on! :( ] All that was missing yesterday afternoon was a fat lady joyfully singing in inaudible notes~~ Oh how Opera can be mesmerising. As was yesterday night's melodifestival! (Sweden's finals for the Eurovision song contest), an Opera-singer is representing Sweden this year and I couldn't be more content with the outcome! Gooo Malena Ernman!
And with all this said, it is time I got off my cushiony chair, head to the kitchen- probably with my Twilight book in my lap and have a nice Sunday breakfast with my sleepy parents. Adios!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tick tock tick tock
I am currently sitting up with my computer, trying to be as quiet as possible-
The clocks on my walls are tick-tocking out of sync with each other.
It's as if they're telling me to hurry up.
Go to sleep.
Tomorrow you will start anew.
As the pendulum of my teddy-bear clock rocks back and forth in its infinite sequence, I think of everyday life in itself. Its own regular pattern.
Waking up early on a weekday morning, after procrastinating the actual "getting out of bed"-process for nearly 10 minutes- finally deciding to drag yourself to the bathroom. Sometimes even imagining you got out of bed when you are in fact still in bed, procrastinating as usual.
Pop the bread slices in the toaster and wait impatiently for the toaster to give a jump.
Tock.
Your toast is done.
Eat it under silence- looking your worst for the day.
Spacing out during breakfast and realising you've spent 20 minutes eating breakfast.
(that means you have 10 minutes to get to school- when it actually takes 15 minutes to get there.)
Run to the bathroom, get changed, get made up, grab your books and run out through the door.
--
After a tiring day at school you find yourself feeling, somehow, amazed at how fast yet another day has almost come to an end.
Hop off the crowded (smelly) bus and exhaustively make your way home.
Once home you start on the essay that was due yesterday- impressed by how efficient you can be (but also- conveniently forgetting how painless the work done is- once it's time for another essay.)
When you're eventually done with the essay that failed to save on your portable hard drive you heave a sigh and send it to an e-mail that won't open the file at school.
(Thus the perfect reason for yet again- handing in your essay 5 days later than asked for-even when it's done.)
Eventually realising that you're sitting up at 1:30 am in the morning of a school night- "Ah I have 7 hours of sleep tonight- Yay!".
Scuttle off to bed- waking up wondering why you still feel sleepy.
Thinking "I owe myself another 10 minutes before getting up.."
---
This is my day in a nutshell (a rather exaggerated day if I may say so myself- I usually hand in my work in time- I promise, Grandma!!).
ALL OF US- usually complain about our day/lives, I think it sounds something like this: "Oh I wish my days weren't always following the same routine- day in- day out. I feel like a robot. How dull."
So when something different finally happens-(the car runs out of fuel- the homework that was due two days ago was actually handed in on time- the neighbour said hello for once (("What does he want? Probably shoved some of his garbage into our bin..."))-or the light bulb breaks) how do we react?
We get angry and upset. But why?
--
Even though we love to complain about something we are all too familliar with, we don't truly dispise this exhausting routine. It may sound boring when you count up the regular steps of your everday life- but in the end, you can smile and say "I wouldnn't trade anything for it in the world." because you realise, things are fine just the way they are.
The clocks on my walls are tick-tocking out of sync with each other.
It's as if they're telling me to hurry up.
Go to sleep.
Tomorrow you will start anew.
As the pendulum of my teddy-bear clock rocks back and forth in its infinite sequence, I think of everyday life in itself. Its own regular pattern.
Waking up early on a weekday morning, after procrastinating the actual "getting out of bed"-process for nearly 10 minutes- finally deciding to drag yourself to the bathroom. Sometimes even imagining you got out of bed when you are in fact still in bed, procrastinating as usual.
Pop the bread slices in the toaster and wait impatiently for the toaster to give a jump.
Tock.
Your toast is done.
Eat it under silence- looking your worst for the day.
Spacing out during breakfast and realising you've spent 20 minutes eating breakfast.
(that means you have 10 minutes to get to school- when it actually takes 15 minutes to get there.)
Run to the bathroom, get changed, get made up, grab your books and run out through the door.
--
After a tiring day at school you find yourself feeling, somehow, amazed at how fast yet another day has almost come to an end.
Hop off the crowded (smelly) bus and exhaustively make your way home.
Once home you start on the essay that was due yesterday- impressed by how efficient you can be (but also- conveniently forgetting how painless the work done is- once it's time for another essay.)
When you're eventually done with the essay that failed to save on your portable hard drive you heave a sigh and send it to an e-mail that won't open the file at school.
(Thus the perfect reason for yet again- handing in your essay 5 days later than asked for-even when it's done.)
Eventually realising that you're sitting up at 1:30 am in the morning of a school night- "Ah I have 7 hours of sleep tonight- Yay!".
Scuttle off to bed- waking up wondering why you still feel sleepy.
Thinking "I owe myself another 10 minutes before getting up.."
---
This is my day in a nutshell (a rather exaggerated day if I may say so myself- I usually hand in my work in time- I promise, Grandma!!).
ALL OF US- usually complain about our day/lives, I think it sounds something like this: "Oh I wish my days weren't always following the same routine- day in- day out. I feel like a robot. How dull."
So when something different finally happens-(the car runs out of fuel- the homework that was due two days ago was actually handed in on time- the neighbour said hello for once (("What does he want? Probably shoved some of his garbage into our bin..."))-or the light bulb breaks) how do we react?
We get angry and upset. But why?
--
Even though we love to complain about something we are all too familliar with, we don't truly dispise this exhausting routine. It may sound boring when you count up the regular steps of your everday life- but in the end, you can smile and say "I wouldnn't trade anything for it in the world." because you realise, things are fine just the way they are.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Artlet
In our daily, stress filled lives we all need an outlet, something to lessen the pressure of work and duty every once in a while.
Some like to go on relaxing walks, some like to jog away their frustration, and others take to a -lazier- less taxing activity, like drawing.
I belong to the /lazier/ last group.
Drawing is like getting sucked into another dimension, I think this can be said about any other outlet you may have, though. You become unaware to your surroundings, but definitely not in a bad way [most of the time].
I think it's also important to not have "Watching tv-shows/movies, playing computer games" as a stress-release. (Haha I think I need to take my own advice sometimes).
I have a friend who is absolutely in love with photography. She loves escaping to the vast outskirts of towns, venturing into the woods and secluded areas. I wish I enjoyed that too, but the ticks in the woods, and the silence in a meadow would kill me eventually.
Labels:
Ashley Dawn Art Stress
Friday, February 20, 2009
Gerascophobia
Today I was able to contact a very dear friend of mine whom I've known ....since I was born!
Even though our discussion didn't last for as long as I'd wanted it to, it was definitely encouraging and helpful. We talked mostly about the future- what we expect, as well as hopes and dreams for our own futures.
(Although this might contradict my previous post, I'll push on anyway..) In about a month, I'm going to be 18- another milestone to add in the archives. I'm finding it more and more difficult to accept that I'm reaching this "independent, responsibility-prone"- age, Hey, I might be having a teenage-crisis (ha-ha). My big concern is what I'm going to do with my future, (again, this contradicts my previous post), I've always been a headstrong girl, knowing what, where and when, knowing what I would do next.
I suspect I've been shielding this anxiety from myself for quite a while, but since I can't be a little girl anymore, it's been showing itself bit by bit lately.
My plans have always been to complete high school and move straight into university.
Unfortunately for me, there are gazillions of universities I have to pick through, and even more courses to study.
My priorities have been shifting around lately, and now I have no idea what I want anymore. Can it be that I'm a Hypengyophobiac (fear of responsibility) or Maybe I have Gerascophobia...(fear of aging).
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